The Wheelers go for tea

So, said the Dear Leader's Friend, “what shall we do today?” - slightly warily as it was Sunday, and normally the Dear Leader makes a very long list of useful things to do on Sundays. But not this time.

“I’ve got a surprise for you – we’re going to ride our bicycles to a special place for tea”. “Ooh” said the DLF excitedly – “will there be sponge cake?” “Yes”, said the DL “and sandwiches, and scones, and lashings of lemonade. And lots of our friends are going. We all need to meet up at the magic green bridge”

“Yipee!” said the DLF. “Let’s go! I’ll follow you”. So they did, with the DL steadily pedalling in the correct direction, and the DLF getting rather excited and shooting off ahead, generally over-shooting the next turning (which is strictly against Wheelers regulations – “maybe no lemonade for him”, thought the DL to herself).

On the magic green bridge (which appears to be yellow, but that’s just part of the magic), lots of the DLF’s friends were waiting. “I’m a bit worried” said the Slightly Nervous Novice Cyclist. “It’s the Queen’s parade today. What will she do if she finds out we’re not watching?” “Off with our heads I should think”, said the Steady Chap on a Sturdy Hybrid “maybe we shouldn’t go”.

“No no!” said the DL.”I’ve got a plan. We’ll go via the enchanted river. She won’t find us there!” “ Of course”,  said the Hipster Sister on the Mixte Fixie “they don’t know the secret signal that lets you in – two tings on the King of Ding!”

So off they went, tall ones on little fold-ups, and short ones on big roadsters, with DL in front (and the DLF firmly sent to the back where he couldn’t get lost). As the HSMF said, two tings got them onto the enchanted river, and away they went all the way to Springfield Marina. “Is this the special place?” said the DLF, who’s always hungry. ”It’s nearly 11, which sounds like time for a smackerel to me” “Not yet!” said the DL. "We’ve only gone 7 miles. It’s a long way from here”.

Onwards again, and then the Pretty Girl on the Pashley Poppy spotted another place – the Markfield Beam engine – with cafe. “No, not yet – we’ve only done 8 miles now”, said the DL. “But we’re all hungry!” said the Middle Aged Crisis on the Trek Madone – and everyone agreed. “Oh, OK then”, said the DL, so they stopped and had tea and a bun (and very nice too). Then, back on the bikes and away.

After a few more miles, the DL turned off the river, and headed along a lane. There was a sign saying “Chingford”. I’m a bit worried” said the SNNC. “Isn’t this where the evil Lord Tebbit lives? He might find out that we haven’t gone on the Queen’s parade”

“We’ll be OK” said the DL. “The evil Lord likes people to be on their bikes. Are you hungry again yet?” “Yes!!!” said everyone. “Good, said the DL, There’s just the place in Chingford”. And there was – they all stopped at Cafe Delice, and had a lovely lunch, with soup and sandwiches. “That was nice” said the MACTM. “It IS a special place”. “But...this isn’t the SPECIAL place” said the DL. “The special place is much better than this”.

Off again, with everyone wondering what this place could be that was even better than Cafe Delice and the Markfield cafe. They rode and rode, and everyone got hungry again. After a while they entered the dark, mysterious forest. Everyone was a bit scared, as the trees seemed to watch them go by – “are they on the Queen’s side?” wondered the SNNC (who was a bit worried again).

Then, suddenly, the DL turned down one final lane, and there it was...bursting with sandwiches, and jellies, and fruit cake and sponge cake, and treacle tart and scones and jam and flapjacks and...EVERYTHING! The vicar had been baking all night, and it was all delicious. Everyone collected platefuls and platefuls and ate and drank until they almost burst.

“That was delicious!” said the DLF. “Much better than all the chores we usually have to do. Can we come here every Sunday?”. “I’m afraid not” said the DL “I’ve got far too many jobs for you”. But, reader – you can, every Sunday afternoon during the summer, for the best tea in London – at  St Thomas’ church, Upshire.

Oh, and it rained on the Queen’s parade. The Wheelers got a bit wet on the way home as well, but nobody minded. It was a fantastic day.